covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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