i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
