Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
