meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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