it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
