I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
