I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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