Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
