I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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