someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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