i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
