if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
