your room smells of hookers.
And success
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
