Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
