he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
