This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
