I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
