I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
