Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
