Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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