I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
