So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
