weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
