Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We left the knife in your bed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
