Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
