glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
