just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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