You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
