You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
