Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
