I think I won the penis lottery.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
