I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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