There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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