I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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