mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who did Billy Mays play for?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
