Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
