My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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