I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
