Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
