Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
