so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
