You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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