come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
