No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
