Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
