If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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