Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
