how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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