When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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