Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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